By
now I am sure everyone has seen the infamous Time cover featuring the
tagline “Are you mom enough?” and a women breastfeeding her toddler on the
cover….I admit, I have never read the articles or even the magazine this was
featured on but I judged that mom- in my mind I said “no way could I do that!
She must be crazy.” But then I took a step back, took the time to head on over
to that mom’s blog and guess what I don’t think she is crazy, I think she is a
good mom to two adorable children and she is doing what she believes is the
best for her kids and herself and her family. She did make the choice to go on Time
and that was her choice, and after reading her story it seems as though she was represented in a way that she hadn’t envisioned would happen. What impressed
me the most about this mom though is how she took all the negative press that
was associated that cover picture and she made the best of it…Her goal was to
promote breastfeeding and her posing with her child did just that- it sparked a
conversation that extended all over the globe. What makes me sad though is that
I along with many others judged her for doing what she feels is best for her
and her kids. Have we really came to that point in society where everything we
do for our kids should be up for a debate?
A few
blogs that I follow have been full of different opinions lately. Some are all for
attachment parenting (AP) or what some term as "helicopter parenting" ( a negative spin on a differing opinion) and against anything that is not AP, some are against
attachment parenting and all for "the cry it out method" or "baby wise parenting" or what some term as “detachment parenting” (another negative spin on a differing opinion), some
are middle of the road combining the two. Last night as I was sitting up with
my son and reading these I noticed a trend. While everyone thinks they are
doing what is best for their child, so many are taking the time to belittle
what others feel is the best for their children. Why as adults can we not just
say “Hey, you let your kid cry it out and they are sleeping or you have your child on a schedule and they are eating/sleeping right along with the schedule and that works for
you…Way to go you are doing what works in your house for your family. I spend
the night cuddling my kid and getting up with every cry, nursing on demand and
that works for me and my family.” Instead we choose to take to our blogging platforms and denounce
others as inferior to us because we must be the better parent. Since when did
parenting become a race?
To
breastfeed or formula feed is yet another discussion. And then if you do choose
one or the other when do you wean becomes yet another battle in the never
ending Mommy Wars. Why should it matter? If you as a mother/parent are doing
what you feel is in the best interest of your child and as long as you are
providing adequate nutrition for your child why is this a topic for debate?
What works for one mom may not work for another and quite frankly what works
with one kid may not work for the next even in the same family.
The
next Mommy War battle often is waged when it is time to return to work…In
Canada this is around when a child turns one. If you go back to your career,
some judge you as a woman who doesn’t care enough for her kids. If you stay at
home with your kids you are judged as someone who doesn’t have time for herself
or who throws away her education. But maybe those who stay at home with their
kids are doing it because that is how they can be the best Mom’s they can be
and those who go to work are doing it because when they are working and return
home to their kids that is when they feel they are being the best Mom’s they
can be. Sometimes it is just not financially feasible for a woman to stay at home and they must return to work to provide for their family, even if they would love nothing more than to be able to stay home with their baby. If ultimately you are doing what is best for yourself as a person and
your child then why is what you choose to do such a hot topic?
Although
I am sure that Mommy Wars have been waged for centuries, as it seems that once
you have a child everyone has an opinion, but due to mainstream media and the
internet the platforms for the many issues and battles in Mommy Wars have
been raised. It has been said that
everyone would always raise the neighbours’ kid better, and maybe that is true. While I would like to say that I have never participated in a Mommy War- it's not true, I have had my share of moments (like I am sure many people have) when I judged other parents for parenting differently from myself, but this is something about myself that I am trying to change. My challenge for other moms and parents is try to start
supporting each other. I would like to
think that we all want our kids to grow up to be good, happy, kind, respectful,
productive individuals. How we choose to get them there is no different than
how we choose to get to any destination- often there are different routes, all
with their own challenges and benefits but all resulting at the same place, no
one route better or worse than the other depending on your personal
preferences. Let’s try to be how we want our kids to be- tolerant of other’s
opinions and beliefs, kind, respectful and supportive even when someone is
different from ourselves. Let’s quit these "Mommy Wars" and focus on how we are
all the same instead of different. After
all, I think each of us is just trying to be the best Mom we can and raise our
kids to the best of our abilities in ways that work for our families. That is
what I think is important and should be celebrated not the different ways that
we take to get to our common goal. What do you think?
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