The pregnancy and childbirth was relatively smooth and easy. The first few days were going well until my babe decided she didn’t want to poop as much as the “chart” says she should. So I began to fret a little. Then the midwives came to do a check-up and poke her little foot for the screening test… and they couldn’t get any blood. They poked her several times and no blood was coming. So that set off worry that my little one was not getting enough milk. As a nurse I know babies can go from bad to worse very fast. Keeping that in mind, my midwife said she would come over the next day to make sure she was doing ok and get the screening test completed. They were pretty busy so I was unsure of the time of exactly they would be coming over, just in the afternoon sometime. My little one seemed ok to me. I thought with having a nursing degree I had some sort of idea of what is bad or good, but being a new mom insecurity and uneasiness crept into my mind. She seemed very alert, feed well as far as I thought, her output was decent- I mean no dark color urine or anything like that… My assessments did not give me any red flags.
The next day rolls around and as I was napping, to catch up on some needed sleep, the midwives show up. It just happened that I was the only one at the house since my fiancé and mother had gone to town to get some groceries. If you know me, you know I don’t take napping lightly. I can’t just have a ½ hour nap, it’s more like 5-6 hours later I may arise. So of course, in the middle of one of those naps, I was awaken… disoriented and frightful of what the midwives would tell me I got my little one and they began their assessment. They took a look at my little one; she was not jaundice at all and quite alert. Then they looked at her pees and poops chart- I had forgotten to mark down some pees and she hadn’t pooped for over 24 hours, so of course this set off major alarms with the midwives and they began, what felt like, an interrogation. Still disoriented and frightful I was not able to answer the questions with much sense and more panic began to set in. Am I breastfeeding the right way? How often? Has your milk come in? Have you been pumping and supplementing her? Is she hard to arose? Do I have a alternate plan other than breastfeeding? Right as they were asking me questions my little one peed into an already saturated diaper. Fewf! Their panic level went from Defcon 5 to “OK she’s not dehydrated; she’s going to be fine.” As it turns out she had gained 1lb in 2 weeks, which is fantastic, and we chalked it up to my little one only needing to poop every other day.
My apprehension had has waned, but that anxious feeling of not being a good mother or missing something still haunts me in the back of my mind. I worry about my child’s health and that there will still be a lot of hard times ahead. When hard and scary times come into our lives I hold on to “God never puts anything in your life you can’t handle” and “this too shall pass.” Although it is hard sometimes, like the thrush episode and the phlegmy cold already, I hold on to those words, the love of my family and friends, and knowing I am not the only momma going through these times.
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