Thoughts of Life...

Last night I was lying in bed, after a completely exhausting day chasing after a 10 month old and a husband, what would life be like if…..I never met the love of my life. We never bought this crazy farm. We never brought life into this world…………The next thing I knew I was crying and mentally kicking myself for such thoughts. I wouldn’t rack it up to depression just the thoughts of pure exhaustion and it led me to think about all those other moms and dads out there who live a similar path in life.

Let me start by addressing the first thought ‘I never met the love of my life’. Well to put it simply I’d still be searching for him and probably performing my own Carrie Bradshaw life in downtown Calgary. Instead I met him 5 years ago and have never looked back. We all need support in our lives no matter if it comes in the form of a partner a parent or a community group; know you are not alone in life.

Thought number 2 ‘we never bought this crazy farm’. It’s true in September 2012 we gave up our suburban lives to raise a family on a beautiful ½ section near Brownfield Alberta. Who doesn’t love the idea of having a river valley in your backyard and wide open spaces for your kidlets to play. Yes it is a big change and we have our share of agreements and disagreements over everything from finances to what to do with the land. In all honesty I feel we were made to live rural and wouldn’t go back on the decision for one instant. In my mind there is nothing better than looking out your living room window and seeing your child playing in their tree house or eating sand out of the sandbox with Winston (our bulldog) right beside them eating along.

Finally thought number 3 ‘We never brought life into this world’. In one word disastrous. I believe without our daughter we would never be challenged to grow in our own minds, to play peekaboo for hours on end, to snuggle no matter what time of the day (or night) it is, to see my husband playing make-believe or reading stories about bunnies, and best of all to discover an endless amount of love and protection for a vulnerable being who relies on us for her every need (for now). There are bumps and learning curves in the road, but a wise woman (my mother) once told me to enjoy every moment because this too shall pass and they’ll be moving out before you know it.

I share these thoughts with you in hopes that you too will know that there is nothing wrong with tears and questions of what if; realizing that you are not alone in this world. Also to take a minute and cherish the moments and the adventures in being a first, second, third….time parent.